01 First Sight

Chapter 1 of WHAT DO YOU CARE WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK

WHEN I was a young fella, about thirteen  I had somehow gotten in with a group of  guys who were a little older than I was, and more sophisticated  They knew a lot of different girls, and would go out with them; often to the beach.

One time when we were at the beach, most of the guys had gone out on some jetty with the girls. I was interested in a particular girl a little bit, and sort of thought out loud: “Gee, I think I’d like to take Barbara to the movies….”

That’s all I had to say, and the guy next to me gets all excited. He runs out onto the rocks and finds her. He pushes her back, all the while saying in a loud voice, “Feynman has something he wants to say to you, Barbara!” It was most embarrassing.

Pretty soon the guys are all standing around me, saying, “Well, say it, Feynman!” So I invited her to the movies. It was my first date.

I went home and told my mother about it. She gave me all kinds of advice on how to do this and that. For example  if we take the bus, I’m supposed to get off the bus first, and offer Barbara my hand. Or if we have to walk in the street, I’m supposed to walk on the outside  She even told me what kinds of things to say. She was handing down a cultural tradition to me: the women teach their sons how to treat the-next generation of women well.

After dinner, I get all slicked up and go to Barbara’s house to call for her. I’m nervous. She isn’t ready, of course (it’s always like that) so her family has me wait for her in the dining room, where they’re eating with friends-a lot of people. They say things like, “Isn’t he cute!” and all kinds of other stuff. I didn’t feel cute; It was absolutely terrible!

I remember everything about the date. As we walked, from her house to the new, little theater in town, we talked about playing the piano. I told her how, when I was younger, they made me learn piano for a while, but after six months I was still playing “Dance of the Daisies,” and couldn’t stand it any more, You see, I was worried about being a sissy, and to be stuck for weeks playing “Dance of the Daisies” was too much for me, so I quit. I was so sensitive about being a sissy that it even bothered me when my mother sent me to the market to buy some snacks called Peppermint Patties and Toasted Dainties.

We saw the movie, and I walked her back to her home.

I complimented her on the nice, pretty gloves she was wearing. Then I said goodnight to her .on the doorstep.

Barbara says to me, “Thank you for a very lovely evening.”

“You’re welcome!” I answered. I felt terrific.

The next time I went out on a date-it was with a different girl-I say goodnight to her, and she says, “Thank you for a very lovely evening.”

I didn’t feel quite so terrific.

When I said goodnight to the third girl I took out, she’s got her mouth open, ready to speak, and I say, “Thank you for a very lovely evening!”

She says, “Thank you-uh-Oh!-Yes-uh, I had a lovely evening, too, thank you!”

One time I was at a party with my beach crowd, and one of the older guys was in the kitchen teaching us how to kiss, using his girlfriend to demonstrate:
“You have to have your lips like this, at right angles, so the noses don’t collide,” and so on.

So I go into the living room and find a girl. I’m sitting on the couch with my arm around her, practicing this new art, when suddenly there’s all kinds of excitement: “Arlene is coming! Arlene is coming!” I don’t know who Arlene is.

Then someone says, “She’s here! She’s here!!”-and everybody, stops what they’re doing and jumps up to see this queen. Arlene was very pretty, and I could see why she had all this admiration-it was well deserved-but I didn’t believe in this undemocratic business of changing what you’re doing just because the queen is coming in.

So, while everybody’s going over to see Arlene, I’m still sitting there on the couch with my girl.

(Arlene told me later, after I had gotten to know her, that she remembered that party with all the nice people except for one guy who was over in the corner on the couch smooching with a girl What she didn’t know was that two minutes before, all the others were doin’ it too!).